<-- la voleuse de livres.

I close my eyes and I dream.

I write these dreams down, give them names, places, people, histories - as much life as I can breathe into an idea with pencils and pens.

I've written so much.

I open my eyes and the world is splayed out in front of me like a watercolor - splotches of the material, everywhere on the page, in swirls and blothces, watery lines, thick streaks of ink - a masterpiece of which I am entirely seperate.

I've been painting too many others to pay attention to my own.

Je suis désolée. I lost myself in my head again.

I've missed you.

How have you been?

[[ooc: Life's been eating my soul, but as you can see it's finally been returned to me. Nice and chewed up, too, which is good, because it's easier to digest this way and I'm much less stressed. Much love to everyone, and hello to all the new players! ♥]]

Je suis seule.

Puppets are paired off in twos, and those gods, if they exist up there in their thrones, playing with us as they please, have not... replaced, mais je ne peux pas utiliser cette verbe parce qu'elle n'est pas vrai, elle n'est pas vrai...

There is Mlenar, who has P. There is Zaviel, who -

But perhaps there is no longer Zaviel for me.

And then there is X, who... now has someone as well.

And they are not me.

And I am lonely.

I am not close enough to anybody else. I was never close enough to anyone here to begin with, really, at least in the sense they seek, a sense which I could care less about (which is perhaps the problem), but... I might have been -

This is all my own fault.

Perhaps the reason why I was so happy at the feast was because, for the first time, I felt like I was... running towards some point, somehow, that had run away from me, and I could recognize such a feeling, but... but you are long gone, and I am selfish.

Forgive me.

That was a wonderful feast. Merci beaucoup à tout le monde. ♥

Et... je suis heureuse! Très, très, très heureuse! Mais vraiment, je ne sais pas pourquoi. Cette une chose étrange, non? Je veux savoir pourquoi, un peu, mais au même temps... je suis trop heureuse pour poser-moi la question!

C'est drôle.

Mais j'espère que vous, aussi, serez heureux bientôt...

[[ooc: No, Babelfish, the subject isn't 'it was once,' it's 'once upon a time.']]

J'ai lui vu de la fenêtre de ma chambre quand il a plu, hier soir.

For my conduct the other day - je suis désolé. Je ne m'ai pas trouvé bien. Merci beaucoup à les personnes qui ont repondu, vraiment, particulièrement vous, Mlenar, et vous, X. Mais au même temps, je ne rétracte pas toutes les choses que j'ai dit.

I was thinking this morning, as I was reading in my room, that it would be nice to have one just for that purpose - for reading, I mean, away from the noise and distractions of the dormitories. The library isn't always as quiet as I would like it, either, and nowhere near as secluded as I wish it was. Hm.

But I'm feeling much better from how I felt days before. Though the feast tomorrow - perhaps I missed the announcement, but what is it for?

[[ooc: Because Babelfish sucks more than usual, the French bits of this post are translated, as well as the title - it's sneaky, not underhand: I saw him from the window of my room when it rained, yesterday evening. I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling well. Thank you very much to the people who responded, truly, especially you, Mlenar, and you, X. And yet at the same time, I do not retract everything that I said. French dictionary > craptastic Internet translator, seriously.]]

It's odd, watching the world explode.

I apologize for my lack of activity the past few days if anyone has wanted to get in touch with me. I haven't been feeling too well, though it's nothing along the lines of a flu or a virus. I've just been thinking, I guess.

Why do we keep secrets? What is the use of keeping our hearts locked away? Could you tell me, please? Could you tell me everything?

I just don't understand. It's so stupid. But I shouldn't be talking, because after all, I'm guilty of the very same crime.

Crimes crimes crimes. And justice. And crimes. Could you tell me, please, why we must indulge ourselves so disgustingly with such corporations? Why we, exclusively in comparison to all other people, have the right to choose what is right and what is wrong? We know more of it - surely we do, we've lived in it and breathed it in and been its victims - but we are not the law. The law can choose, as it is a man-made machine created simply so we wouldn't have to deal with the human aspects of those concepts, but we have no right, as human beings, to judge other human beings, despite doing this on a daily basis and from the very first moment we come into contact with another. And at the same time, we cannot judge ourselves either, because if we did there would be no order. And so enter the businesses, these things we call trials and prisons and punishments, the most powerful of which can take away another's life all in the name of justice, and it doesn't matter what crimes these businesses themselves commit, what hypocrisies they throw at the world, because they are machines. They are inhuman. They are blind.

Why would you wish to be such a thing?

...

I'm going to drown. I need a distraction.

Tell me, what is the one question we ourselves only know the answer to, yet must ask everyone else in order to discover it?

[[ooc: Um, yeah, Edge is kind of cracking under the system - all in English because she doesn't feel like herself. I'm off my hiatus now, so um, hope everyone's been doing well! ♥ Should I continue to tag in the logs I was in? Since it's been a while since they started I'm not quite sure, and I don't want to be a bother to anyone.]]

Qu'est-ce qu'on peut faire, quand on a des questions qu'on ne peut pas poser?

Parce que je ne sais pas que je dois faire. Je veux savoir, mais je ne veux pas faire mal à cette personne, et si je pose mes questions... il y a le risk de faire cette chose.

Simplement - je veux savoir pourquoi.

[private to self --> hackable with some difficulty]
There are very beautiful people in this orphanage.

C'est vrai. Pour avoir dit ce chose, vous êtes aussi très beautiful, Ivory.
[/private to self]

Thoughts -->
- Boredom is not a result of a lack of external stimulus, but rather an internal inability to make the most of what one has, in my opinion.
- What other ways of predicting a person's personality/fate are there besides numerology while still using a person's birthname?
- This competition to become L's successor - are you in it by choice or by force, and in either case, do you want to become his successor?
- What of everyone else that doesn't succeed L?
- If Roger doesn't approve X's note, I'll take action anyway. If X agrees.

Do you believe that crime is the mother of order?

(...)

Je suis désolé, mais je ne veux pas écrire en anglais dans ce journal. J’espère que vous n’êtes pas offensé, L, mais je pense que l’anglais n’est pas ma langue, si vous me comprenez. Si cette chose est une probleme, s’il vous plaît, dites-le à moi. Je changerai.

L’anglais est une langue trop dur…

( Heroes & Thieves --> Vanessa Carlton )

...
( Running Three --> Tykwer/Klimek/Heil )

...

Instrumental Theme: Pitter Patter Goes My Heart --> Broken Social Scene